Adjusting to school: tips for supporting your child in their first days of school

Starting School Marks a Key Moment in a Child’s Life

Whether it’s their first time at school or moving on to a new stage (like primary school), this period brings significant changes to a child’s routines, relationships, and independence. For many families, those first days can be filled with excitement—but also nerves, uncertainty, or even tears. That’s why it’s essential to understand the school adjustment process and know how to support it with sensitivity and patience.

What Does Adjusting to School Involve?

Adapting to school isn’t just about learning rules, schedules, and academic content. For a child, it means:

• Being separated from their main attachment figure for several hours

• Interacting with unfamiliar adults

• Engaging with many other children

• Following new routines

• Spending time in an environment different from home

All of this can trigger strong emotions: excitement, curiosity, but also anxiety, fear, or frustration. School adjustment is, therefore, an emotional and developmental process that takes time and support.

Signs of Healthy Adjustment

Every child reacts differently, but some signs indicate that the adjustment is going well:

• They accept entering the classroom with more ease, even if they still protest occasionally

• They talk about school or what they do there

• They start mentioning other children or familiar adults

• They show interest in school activities (drawing, songs, stories)

• They gradually manage to regulate crying or resistance when separating

Warning Signs (and When to Seek Help)

Certain behaviors may indicate that the process needs more support:

• Persistent, intense crying after several weeks

• Complete refusal to enter or stay at school

• Significant changes in sleep or eating habits

• Major regressions (loss of toilet training, speech, etc.)

• Generalized irritability or apathy

In these cases, it’s important to talk with the school staff and, if needed, consult a specialist.

How to Support School Adjustment: Key Strategies

1. Talk About School in a Positive Way

Before school starts, help your child become familiar with the idea of school: what it’s like, who will be there, and what activities they’ll do. You can use storybooks, pretend play, or even visit the school if possible.

Avoid threatening phrases (“just wait until you go to school”) or overly idealistic promises (“you’re going to have the best time ever”). Be honest but convey confidence.

2. Provide Emotional Support During Separation

The drop-off moment is often the most delicate. Some tips:

• Always say goodbye—don’t sneak out without telling them

• Use a consistent farewell phrase (“I’ll leave you here, and I’ll come back after snack time”)

• Accept their tears without dramatizing or dismissing their feelings (“I know this is hard for you, and I’m here to help you”)

• Trust the school staff—they are usually well-prepared to handle these moments

3. Maintain Clear and Stable Routines

Regular times for waking up, meals, and bedtime help reduce uncertainty. Routines provide security and predictability—exactly what children need most during this stage.

4. Strengthen Attachment at Home

During the adjustment period, it’s normal for children to be more clingy or emotionally sensitive at home. It’s their way of balancing the emotional effort that school requires.

Make time for quality moments together—playing, cuddling, listening. The connection they feel at home reinforces their confidence to explore outside.

5. Avoid Comparisons

Every child has their own pace. Don’t compare them to other children or older siblings. Comments like “your cousin never cried” can hurt and increase emotional pressure.

Conclusion

Adjusting to school isn’t an immediate goal but a gradual process built day by day. It takes time, empathy, and the knowledge that adult support can make all the difference.

With patience, understanding, and respect for your child’s timing, they will learn that school can be a safe, fun place full of learning. And you’ll also navigate this stage knowing you’re not alone—many families face the same challenge, and sharing the experience can make it easier.

Starting school is so much more than learning letters and numbers—it’s learning how to be in the world, surrounded by others.